By Erin • December 29, 2016
How have you all been, Pengyows?! Did you miss me? I was too preoccupied with my Rebound Guy. (You’ll read about Rebound Guy on my next blog entry, I promise!)
It’s good that fellow Fil-Chi contributor Rencelle Tan wrote an article tackling the differences of men and women. As the adage goes, men are from Mars and women are from Venus. She has a “ho-weh” so her insights were from her own experience.
Her blog entry was so informative that I just can’t help share my two cents’ worth.
Women should know about men.
Rencelle says: Men are more visually-driven.
Erin says: Men are visually-driven. This is so true. When a guy says that he wants his ladylove to be “simple,” don’t believe him. He wants a makeup-free woman? Don’t believe him. (Sadly, one of the reasons why I think I am single is that I do not wear makeup).
Rencelle says: Men are not talkative. Well, this is true as for my boyfriend he usually nods a lot and also in texting always saying “okay”. If you expect your boyfriend or husband to be like your best female conversation partner, only better, you might be surprised - men tend not to build strong relationships through conversation, and they switch topics more frequently than women do.
Erin says: I do not like men who are not talkative. I want my Future Boyfriend to be my bestfriend, as in someone I can “make kwento” to. I remember how Chinito Guy talks to me. I found it so cute when he called me over the phone, and said, “Princess Munchkin Pop (this is how he addresses me), my dad asked the driver to leave me at home so I had no choice but to take the MRT! Grabe yung pila, as in <insert Hokkien expletive that starts with “p” and with “seeh” as the second syllable>.
Rencelle says: Understand that men can't always identify emotions. Because women have more developed limbic systems, they're better at classifying and reading emotions, a skill that was useful when women were primarily in charge of maintaining social connections in ancient cultures. Men, on the other hand, lag behind women in studies of how the sexes identify and control emotions. And in this difference, it disappoint the women’s heart and this usually leads to quarrel or worse break-ups.
Erin says: If I discover that my husband can’t “read” me, I will have to reassess our marriage. In my case, I avoid confrontations. I am passive. I’m afraid that I will just suffer in silence if my husband is how Rencelle described in her item #3. #saklapfriend
Rencelle says: Men are afraid to lose their freedom. This is the reason men are so afraid of commitment and it’s the reason they withdraw when a relationship deepens. It’s the reason they go hot and cold, and it’s pretty much the reason behind almost every relationship issue you’ve ever had.
Erin says: Being an independent woman myself, I am also afraid of losing my freedom. I really do not understand the logic behind the asking permission thing. If my guy wants to go karting or what-not, I want him to tell me, but I will NEVER forbid him from going to his “lakad.” If I would want to go to an art exhibit, I will tell him just for the sake of making kwento. If he wants to drop me off the venue, that would be awesome. But I will still do what I want. I will still go to the exhibit even if he doesn’t want me to.
Men should know about women
Rencelle says: We appreciate the little things. The little things often say the most.
Erin says: I appreciate the little things, but I also want to be a part of the guy’s life, online and offline. No if’s and but’s. I want my guy to add me on all his social media accounts, and I want him and me to be “Facebook Official.” If I post a selfie, and a picture of us, I want him to LIKE it and comment on it. If he doesn’t do all these, eh di I might as well be single.
Rencelle says: We want to be your partner – not your mother.
Erin says: I am a 30 year-old woman-child. Feel free to pamper me. hahahah! I think a guy would have to be resourceful if he wants to pamper me. Being an independent woman, I make it a point to pamper myself in ways that I know how. Future Boyfie must be creative.
Rencelle says: When we women rant, we just want you to LISTEN.
Erin says: Years ago, I dated a Fil-Chi guy in his early 30s who would say all his problem-solving ek-eks to my rants, and in a not I’m-trying-to-help manner. Dude, I am just ranting. I am not asking for the solution to my problem. I just want you to listen. (I never told him this though. Let him figure this out for himself).
Rencelle says: Women want to feel understood. Women need men to understand how they think and feel, even though that is hard. It would help us to understand that most women’s thought lives are like computers, with multiple windows open and processing all at once. Unlike many men who can only process one thing at a time, women are constantly juggling multiple thoughts and emotions all at the same time. We are complex! So, men you should be patient.
Erin says: I get pissed off when a guy does not see my point. Let me make kwento I had a fight with my biological Ahya one time, and I messaged my boylaloo about it (the guy that came after Chinito Guy. In short, my Rebound Guy). I told Rebound Guy that my Ahya got mad at me because of my “kapabayaan” in an incident. Rebound Guy just replied a curt, “Hug mo nalang siya.” When I read it, I was bewildered. Um, wasn’t he not internalizing all the “kwento” I told him about my life? Because if he paid any attention at all, he would know that my Ahya is not someone who would be consoled by hugs. Haller?!
I am sure you’re all excited to read more about my Rebound Guy, who was my rebound from the months of September, October, November and December. You’ll read about him in my next blog entry.