By Jennifer Sungyi • January 09, 2017
Hi, my name is Jennifer. I saw the write up of Rencelle and it inspired me to send my contribution to Kaysiao.com. I prefer not to be tagged because I am writing under a pen name. I am writing here to express my thinking about commitment. My journey with relationships is still a journey but I just want to share my perspective on it especially to men who will be reading this post.
My journey in knowing the psyche of men started when I was in college. Being a Filchi, I grew up with conservative beliefs and thinking. I thought my love story is I study, I work, I get married then have kids. This has been the cycle of a traditional Filchi woman’s dream. By the age of 28, I am married and by 30, I have kids. But the reality of life is not like that. Sometimes, our fate doesn’t lead us to what we dream of because there are things that we need to go through to get our end goal. Being a woman, there has been a lot of pressure of getting a boyfriend and getting married. But when reality strikes about divorce, separation and annulment rates, I can’t help but be thankful to where I am right now.
Technically, I am writing because I just came from a courtship that didn’t push through. But the difference right now is that I am more mature in looking at this situation because I never felt anger against him. It wasn’t the first time that I encountered this situation because I have been meeting a lot of typical Filchi men and their courtship styles are so similar that I am not surprised that he just walked away. This is somewhat the tactic of the typical Filchi male, 1st he shows interest…he dates you, tells you he is interested, tells you he is serious because the getting to know part is the most exciting part. Then when conflict strikes and he doesn’t know how to face it because he is taken aback of the seriousness of the girl and the gravity of the matter, he goes to his mancave and stops communicating. Then later on when he finds himself, he goes back to the girl and tries to win her again. But the sad truth about this situation is that second chances doesn’t always happen the same way as in the movies. REAL LIFE means facing the consequence. Filchi men should realize that “courtship with a Filchi girl is not the same as others. WE don’t force ourselves with you. We technically are the perfect match for you but it seems that you don’t see it when conflict starts. Filchi men usually back down. I have compared this with other races. Other races don’t take rejection negatively, they take it as a challenge to show the girl that they are worth it. Filchi men usually are so ego driven that rejection backs them down and if ever their feelings get reciprocated, they take for granted what has been given to them. They don’t treasure what is given to them because they think the chase is over. I am not saying all Filchi men are like these but I am just stating a fact that many, are especially those who come from a typical traditional school don’t live up to the expectation that they give, I compared their tactics and all were similar. Their insecurity level is so high within themselves that they think that they are not good enough to get a quality girl. So when they meet a quality girl, they back down later on because they can’t sustain to be with her because they are afraid to rise up to the challenge to prove that they are worthy of that relationship. I think women will not nag if they are given what they are used to be given. Women love the small things, emotional intimacy and time. Time is very important to women because women thrive on emotions. They love to talk on the phone, hug their love and see their love. But Filchi men, especially the practical ones just meet up once a week and sometimes can’t commit even to seeing his lady. During the early stages of courtship, he commits to meeting up with her, thinking that desire will lead her to commit to him, but in the end when he sees her getting hooked with him, he slowly goes back to not being motivated to be with her. COMMITMENT means staying even if there are no more butterflies, it means loving beyond what you can give. I hope when you say commit to someone, be man enough to stand by it and not walk away.