Surviving Modern, Unstable Courtship Back
• April 18, 2017
Let’s face it, modern dating is not getting any sweeter. If there’s anything that bothers ladies besides being cheated on or coping with an immature guy, then it’s definitely false hopes—thus the term “paasa”. But whether a guy suddenly stops communicating (an act called “ghosting”) or comes up with that lame “it’s not you, it’s me” excuse, any woman can spare herself from getting hurt! Let me share with you how I saved myself before saving my dating life.
1. Before anything, condition your mind not to get attached to the guy no matter how much you like him. He should be more interested in you, otherwise, you will appear desperate and needy for initiating.
- Be confidently true to yourself even from the beginning without giving him the wrong impression. Work on improving your insecurities or weakness so that you can be the best version of yourself.
- Try to get to know him and his intentions for dating you. Don't dig up his past or know about his previous romantic relationships. What he wants and doesn't want when it comes to love already say a lot. From there, try to figure out if you both have the same preferences.
- Be good friends before anything! Do not immediately assume that you are actually dating unless he tells you exactly how he feels about you. This way, you won’t lose the friendship even if you don’t end up as a couple.
- Thank him for the little and big things he does for you. Enjoy your time together, but treat every gift or date as if it's the last.
Try not to expect another date, another box of your favorite chocolate, or for your unrealistic expectations to be met because he won’t read your mind to make your fantasies come true. Just cherish what is there!
- Allow yourself to get kilig, but keep in mind that your emotions have nothing to do with your destiny. Show the guy subtle yet affirmative hints that you like him, but leave the rest to fate. After all, a real gentleman knows that he has to officially court you!
- Plot Twist: He has turned a little passive towards you. Take note of these signs:
- He looks for excuses than ways to be with you
- He no longer communicates as much
- He is no longer as sweet, flirty, or appreciative
- He's suddenly "too busy" or "going through a problem", unless his explanations are convincing
Here's what you do: Don't try to wonder where you stand and be the first to walk away. It's okay to check on him, but if he seems lifeless in your conversations and he doesn't compromise, then it's time to slowly switch your kilig buttons OFF.
- Do not wait for closure or for him to chase you again. The truth could hurt, so don’t try to know if he has found someone else or he’s no longer as interested anymore ‘cause there’s nothing wrong with you. He is probably just meant to be your friend and nothing more.
- Seek emotional support from family and trusted friends because falling for someone who isn't willing to catch you might hurt as badly as a break up! This is why I discourage attachment, as mentioned in number 1.
- Decide to move forward without holding grudges about your "almost" boyfriend. Rejections are re-directions that make you better, not bitter! So pick yourself up and be happy again by doing the things you love. Keep on meeting new and better guy friends until you get to know of someone who won’t give up on you!
*As for the guys, do the same in moving on if a girl has given you false hopes. If her actions tell you that it’s a NO, then respect yourself enough to find someone else worth pursuing until you’re sure to get a YES!
Closing thought: “Do not awaken love until it so desires.” –Songs of Solomon 2:7